Tuesday, March 20, 2012


Spring can come without sun right? Daffodils with their tiny sunburst of color dot the chicken yard and scatter through the house in random vases having been picked carefully and brought in from little girl hands.

Primroses bloom along the front walk. Forsythia all golden on the branches sways in the wind and rain as if to shout "Spring IS here, Spring IS here!"

Deciding on who to buy my heirloom seed from this year. I think I will order as local as I can so that I am not more of the problem, but adding to the solution. I can't wait to learn more on seed-saving so each year I can buy less and less seed and use my own instead.

Happy Spring to you!

Monday, March 19, 2012



1 a : steadfastness of mind under duress : fortitude b : fidelity, loyalty
2 : a state of being constant or unchanging 

It  seems to be a fleeting idea that days could have some sort of constancy to them. To wake and know what the day will bring. Why this need to know? fear can be disguised as control...

When I know what is coming do I feel more secure? yep! You bet! That isnt showing much trust though. I feel more and more frustrated that my security seems to depend upon control or knowledge. 

Every Spring the apple trees blossom...

do I need to know when this happens to feel secure? there is a constancy that is within life that we need not know when, but instead trust the Giver of it all.

learning to quiet myself more while listening and trusting...

read a devotion written by a single mom here...she sums my feelings up rather nicely

Friday, March 16, 2012

thought loops

the sun is streaming in the window after several days of it feeling as if the rains would never cease.
I sit in it for several minutes while checking my email and visiting blogs that uplift me creatively and spiritually before I even notice that it is there. It is a welcome sight after the darkness.

I have been consumed lately with my shortcomings. What I cannot do instead of being thankful for what I can. This isn't about what gifts that I have. this is about things like limitations of being able to do for my children and others. Limitations freeze me up. My mind is consumed with trying to figure it out and is lost in a constant loop in doing so.

How can I be at work and also get Hannah to soccer practice at the same time? A thought comes to ask others and so I do. One response and it flutters away. How can I expect others to pick up where I cannot? Part of me says it isnt their responsibility, but another part screams inside "remember...this is what we are supposed to be to one another" We are supposed to hold one another up.

The kink in the chain is that as a society everyone is running to and fro so hurriedly that we miss the need in someone else's life that we can fill. Oh I pray that my eyes are open to the need in others lives that I am supposed to fill instead of being filled only with my own.

So my mind continues to cycle wondering, wondering. How can I be in two places at one time? How can we as a whole become more aware of our neighbor's needs and help in the small ways?

If we are only drawn to our reflection in the mirror then the world becomes a very small place.

the sun is calling me to put on my walking shoes and come outside.
my mind is yelling "yes! yes! go out and walk, notice all of the beauty around and stop thinking about rides to practice.
give... it... to... God."

I will do my best to do just that. let go of my limitations and give them to God.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

agape :: an ear

Do you know what one of the best ways to show that you care is? listening. yep, it's that simple.

But it seems to be the hardest thing to do sometimes. Our world is so busy and we are worn out so we turn to media to go on emotional/intellectual vacation at the end of the day. this last week I have had to say "can you say that again? I really do want to hear what you have to say" several times to my two youngest daughters. I do not want my legacy to be one of half hearted connection. We think people don't notice when we are half-way there, but they do.

a term I learned in my counseling classes is "active listening". The fact that the word active is in there has a hint that it takes work right? so much swirling in our heads.

we don't have to solve the world's problems when listening...sometimes a person just needs to know that someone hears them.

Happy Thursday to you!

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

two parties :: one sweet girl

 The baby is 10. Where did the time go?
On Sunday we had a friend birthday party. Aliss (17) made a small treasure hunt for their goody bags.
We ate birthday cake that Sophie helped frost and sprinkle and ice cream, homemade refried beans topped with cheese and a couple of pizzas.

 Then on the day of her birthday, Tuesday we were going to have family over, but all four of the kids ended up with sore throats and stuffy heads. Tessa and Elijah still came out. We ate sloppy lasagne and the first cheesecake I ever made. I had lots of encouragement from friends and family on Facebook about my intimidation with the cheesecake. hehe Once I got started it was easy!


our tradition is to have breakfast in bed on your birthday. this year was quite different. Aliss was in school for choir and Tessa has gotten married and moved out. Zack was sick sleeping. So it was my two youngest girlies and myself. My momma was on the speaker phone though. love that.

My girl Sophie has such a big heart and is filled with so much life. I love her so much! Happy day to me to have her as MY GIFT for TEN YEARS now.

such love this girl.